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Sunday, January 30, 2011

My Ladder vs. Christ's Escalator

This evening when I went to 5pm Mass at St.Lawrence I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary. I was going to kneel, sit and stand. Pray, listen and sing. When it came time for communion I was going to walk up with everyone else, but instead of receiving Christ in the Eucharist I was going to fold my arms over my chest and receive a blessing.

If you're not Catholic you may be asking why I didn't receive communion. Believe me when I say it's not because I didn't want to. I haven't for a month and my heart has been BREAKING everytime I'd go to mass and not be able to receive communion. It's a quintessential part of being Catholic, and my pride was keeping me from being with Jesus in the most pure form on earth.

You see I was in a state of mortal sin, something that I'm sure you've all experienced at times in your life. It's a very deep, very dark hole that isn't always easy to get out of. My pride was keeping me from finding a way out, or rather asking for a way out.

But during Mass tonight I prayed, deeply and rather desperately I might add for God to help me out of this deep dark hole that I so eagerly jumped right in to. I've never had a prayer experience quite like it. My mind formed this deep dark hole metaphor and I BEGGED GOD for a ladder so that I could begin to work my way up and out of that darkness.

As I continued to pray I thought to myself, well maybe I don't deserve a ladder, I've sinned so much, so I changed my prayer to asking for a rope, so that I could tie together a rope ladder and climb myself out on that. But even that seemed too easy for what I'd done to the GOD that loves me infinitely. So I asked for a rope that I could tie a knot to the bottom of and PULL myself out of that hole, I did so knowing that I have horrible upper body strength and that it wouldn't be easy by any means.

As I prayed and prayed throughout the Mass for God to supply me this rope in which to climb out of the hole HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER! Within an hour MY GOD had heard my prayer and layed the solution out on a silver platter.

Fr.Steve announced that after Mass was over he would come back in and be available to hear Confessions. I was nervous, my pride was shaking in it's boots. This meant that I was going to have to face my sins.

As I sat in the peugh questioning wether I should go or not (even after asking and begging God for the ability to reclaim His grace I still wasn't sure or convinced) Jesus spoke to me. It was crystal clear.

He told my heart that I deserved more than a rope to hold on to, more than a ladder to climb up. He told me that he'd already done all of the climbing, He got me out of that hole 2,000 years ago when He died on the cross for my sins.

With Fr.Steve's announcement Christ was giving me an ESCALATOR! He was telling me that ALL I had to do was take the first step. Pick my foot up and place it on the escalator and Jesus Christ would bring me to the top.

During my confession the priest reassured me that God loved me infinitely and without abandon. I was HIS daughter (How fitting for the name of my blog right?), and He wanted me to rise with JOY and leave my sins in the confessional, so that's what I've done.

And oh how joyful and free I do feel.


Cy said...

Beautiful post! =)

Cassi said...

Thank you Cy, it's good to know somebody else is enjoying it :)

The Frat Pack + Me said...

This is just amazing!

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