This evening when I went to 5pm Mass at St.Lawrence I wasn't expecting anything out of the ordinary. I was going to kneel, sit and stand. Pray, listen and sing. When it came time for communion I was going to walk up with everyone else, but instead of receiving Christ in the Eucharist I was going to fold my arms over my chest and receive a blessing.
If you're not Catholic you may be asking why I didn't receive communion. Believe me when I say it's not because I didn't want to. I haven't for a month and my heart has been BREAKING everytime I'd go to mass and not be able to receive communion. It's a quintessential part of being Catholic, and my pride was keeping me from being with Jesus in the most pure form on earth.
You see I was in a state of mortal sin, something that I'm sure you've all experienced at times in your life. It's a very deep, very dark hole that isn't always easy to get out of. My pride was keeping me from finding a way out, or rather asking for a way out.
But during Mass tonight I prayed, deeply and rather desperately I might add for God to help me out of this deep dark hole that I so eagerly jumped right in to. I've never had a prayer experience quite like it. My mind formed this deep dark hole metaphor and I BEGGED GOD for a ladder so that I could begin to work my way up and out of that darkness.
As I continued to pray I thought to myself, well maybe I don't deserve a ladder, I've sinned so much, so I changed my prayer to asking for a rope, so that I could tie together a rope ladder and climb myself out on that. But even that seemed too easy for what I'd done to the GOD that loves me infinitely. So I asked for a rope that I could tie a knot to the bottom of and PULL myself out of that hole, I did so knowing that I have horrible upper body strength and that it wouldn't be easy by any means.
As I prayed and prayed throughout the Mass for God to supply me this rope in which to climb out of the hole HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER! Within an hour MY GOD had heard my prayer and layed the solution out on a silver platter.
Fr.Steve announced that after Mass was over he would come back in and be available to hear Confessions. I was nervous, my pride was shaking in it's boots. This meant that I was going to have to face my sins.
As I sat in the peugh questioning wether I should go or not (even after asking and begging God for the ability to reclaim His grace I still wasn't sure or convinced) Jesus spoke to me. It was crystal clear.
He told my heart that I deserved more than a rope to hold on to, more than a ladder to climb up. He told me that he'd already done all of the climbing, He got me out of that hole 2,000 years ago when He died on the cross for my sins.
With Fr.Steve's announcement Christ was giving me an ESCALATOR! He was telling me that ALL I had to do was take the first step. Pick my foot up and place it on the escalator and Jesus Christ would bring me to the top.
During my confession the priest reassured me that God loved me infinitely and without abandon. I was HIS daughter (How fitting for the name of my blog right?), and He wanted me to rise with JOY and leave my sins in the confessional, so that's what I've done.
And oh how joyful and free I do feel.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Why do we blog?
Thursday in my Creative Nonfiction Writing class we discussed blogging.
These were some of the questions proposed to us in class.
Why do we write? We write for ourselves not for anyone else, one girl brought up.
What's the point? Another girl mentioned that what you're going through and choosing to write about may inadvertently help someone else with what is going on in their life.
Who really wants to read the random things happening in my life anyways? This is a question I'd always had. Blogging had always interested me but who would be interested in me and what I had to say? Everything was so random, every blogging site out there will tell you to pick one topic and stick with it. My brain isn't hardwired that way, to only think about one topic when I'm blogging.
My professor brought up a good point when he said What you're writing about isn't random to you. These are things that are impacting your life and they're important. Nothing that you ever write about can truly be random because it was a thought you were having that was most likely brought to you by another thought.
Which brings me to this: Why do I blog?
I've tried before and failed miserably, just giving up because I wasn't getting what I had hoped for out of it. Now I've kind of listened to the pros, and picked a topic that I like, a topic that is broad, a topic that I care about: GOD.
God is everywhere and that's why it's so easy to write about Him. He is in every facet of my life wether I like it or not. Now that I'm blogging I'm starting to look for him more often in my day to day life. It's a beautiful blessing.
These were some of the questions proposed to us in class.
Why do we write? We write for ourselves not for anyone else, one girl brought up.
What's the point? Another girl mentioned that what you're going through and choosing to write about may inadvertently help someone else with what is going on in their life.
Who really wants to read the random things happening in my life anyways? This is a question I'd always had. Blogging had always interested me but who would be interested in me and what I had to say? Everything was so random, every blogging site out there will tell you to pick one topic and stick with it. My brain isn't hardwired that way, to only think about one topic when I'm blogging.
My professor brought up a good point when he said What you're writing about isn't random to you. These are things that are impacting your life and they're important. Nothing that you ever write about can truly be random because it was a thought you were having that was most likely brought to you by another thought.
Which brings me to this: Why do I blog?
I've tried before and failed miserably, just giving up because I wasn't getting what I had hoped for out of it. Now I've kind of listened to the pros, and picked a topic that I like, a topic that is broad, a topic that I care about: GOD.
God is everywhere and that's why it's so easy to write about Him. He is in every facet of my life wether I like it or not. Now that I'm blogging I'm starting to look for him more often in my day to day life. It's a beautiful blessing.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Excitement for College Gameday at KANSAS!
Thomas Robinson and Markeiff Morris commentating College Gameday. So Cute! They look so happy.
In 1.5 hours at the crack of midnight I will be camping outside of Allen Fieldhouse to get a great spot on ESPN during College Gameday. If Allen Fieldhouse is a rockin, don't come a knockin!
My Photographic Creativity
I'm fully aware that Christmas was over a month ago, but I couldn't help but share these pictures with you! This past year both my sister and oldest brother got married which is very exciting! Being in college and all, money isn't the easiest thing to come by so I decided to get creative and MAKE their Christmas presents this year.
I borrowed my best friend Brea (and her really nice camera) and hit the town running. We took pictures of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that resembled a letter. I had so much fun spending the day with her and getting to be creative. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a lofty idea and the gumption to do something about it!
Take a look at the end results:
I borrowed my best friend Brea (and her really nice camera) and hit the town running. We took pictures of EVERYTHING and ANYTHING that resembled a letter. I had so much fun spending the day with her and getting to be creative. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a lofty idea and the gumption to do something about it!
Take a look at the end results:
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| Smith |
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| FitzGerald |
Vote for Tyrel Reed!
As I've mentioned before I am a DIE HARD Kansas Basketball fan, it's hard to go to KU and not be honestly. I was thinking about a way to tie my love for KU basketball and being a daughter of God together in this post and I got a link from a friend asking me to vote for Tyrel Reed in the Lowes Senior CLASS award.
How does this have anything to do with anything you might ask? Here's a little excerpt from his bio on the Lowes Senior CLASS website:
Reed is a genuine role model for youth with his leadership on the team and in the community. He’s frequently the first one to step up when volunteering for community work and he’s a very comfortable public speaker with the media and in community activities. Reed is active in the Fellowship of Christian Athletes on campus and will occasionally speak to FCA groups at local schools. He was also selected for the University of Kansas Men of Merit which recognizes men who positively define masculinity by challenging norms, taking action and leading by example while making outstanding achievements and contributions to KU and/or the community.
It's easy for people in such public roles especially in sports to forget where they came from, GOD! From what I've seen watching KU basketball from the stands Tyrel is the glue that holds the team together, the inspiration, the motivation, sometimes he's even the one guy on the court that keeps us from losing. So who better to vote for? There's 30,000 students on this campus, and a WHOLE Jayhawk Nation out there watching him. Talk about a witness.
How does this have anything to do with anything you might ask? Here's a little excerpt from his bio on the Lowes Senior CLASS website:
Reed is a genuine role model for youth with his leadership on the team and in the community. He’s frequently the first one to step up when volunteering for community work and he’s a very comfortable public speaker with the media and in community activities. Reed is active in the Fellowship of Christian Athletes on campus and will occasionally speak to FCA groups at local schools. He was also selected for the University of Kansas Men of Merit which recognizes men who positively define masculinity by challenging norms, taking action and leading by example while making outstanding achievements and contributions to KU and/or the community.
It's easy for people in such public roles especially in sports to forget where they came from, GOD! From what I've seen watching KU basketball from the stands Tyrel is the glue that holds the team together, the inspiration, the motivation, sometimes he's even the one guy on the court that keeps us from losing. So who better to vote for? There's 30,000 students on this campus, and a WHOLE Jayhawk Nation out there watching him. Talk about a witness.
Click on the link below to go vote!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Struggles with a Roommate
Let's just say that over the past 2 years I haven't had the best luck with roommates. I've been through 4, in 4 semesters!
My freshman year my first roommate Lizzy was fine and I could hold a conversation with her but we were so different. I loved sports and kept up with fashion, enjoyed hanging out with my friends and going to church. She was indy, a little hippy, liked to smoke hookah with her boyfriend and shopped at the thrift store. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that it's just to show how different we were. I ended up moving after the semester because I didn't like the location of the dorm.
Second semester freshman year I moved to one of the nicest dorms on campus to a two person with my very own bathroom! That was exciting. My new roommate Bri was a sophomore from Chicago, I'm a small town girl from Home. She was a little TOO interested in fashion, spending her parents money on ridiculous clothes that definitely didn't cover enough of anything. She liked to party and I'd occasionally come home at night to find her and a guy 'cuddling' on her bed. I did like her company a bit more because we watched the same shows and listened to the same music so it was bearable, but I'm a night owl and she's an early bird so that was pretty difficult as well.
First semester sophomore year I decided to live in the dorms again against my better wishes. I chose a 4 bedroom with the hope that out of 4 I'd get at least 1 good roommate, well I did one better than that, I got 2!!! Unfortunately they were my suitemates not my room roommates. My room roommate Shae was a serious disappointment. She was from Tennessee, loved Jesus and her family and had lived in Kansas for 2 years. At first I thought we were going to be able to make it work, but it definitely didn't. Without getting into too much detail here she had some problems and had to leave a week early. Her mom and grandparents came up to move her stuff off and that's the last I saw of any of them.
Now on to the current roommate, Caileigh (I used to really like this name, now...never gonna happen). She's been my roommate for not even a 2 weeks and I've already learned that she's angry a LOT, has a poor relationship with her parents and her ex but not really ex boyfriend, curses like a sailor, and is a compulsive liar. She hates my GLEE music and the fact that I eat apples at night.
I'm starting to think that I'm a magnet, or maybe it's me and someone else living with these same people would've had a totally different experience.
Oy vey!
My freshman year my first roommate Lizzy was fine and I could hold a conversation with her but we were so different. I loved sports and kept up with fashion, enjoyed hanging out with my friends and going to church. She was indy, a little hippy, liked to smoke hookah with her boyfriend and shopped at the thrift store. Now I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that it's just to show how different we were. I ended up moving after the semester because I didn't like the location of the dorm.
Second semester freshman year I moved to one of the nicest dorms on campus to a two person with my very own bathroom! That was exciting. My new roommate Bri was a sophomore from Chicago, I'm a small town girl from Home. She was a little TOO interested in fashion, spending her parents money on ridiculous clothes that definitely didn't cover enough of anything. She liked to party and I'd occasionally come home at night to find her and a guy 'cuddling' on her bed. I did like her company a bit more because we watched the same shows and listened to the same music so it was bearable, but I'm a night owl and she's an early bird so that was pretty difficult as well.
First semester sophomore year I decided to live in the dorms again against my better wishes. I chose a 4 bedroom with the hope that out of 4 I'd get at least 1 good roommate, well I did one better than that, I got 2!!! Unfortunately they were my suitemates not my room roommates. My room roommate Shae was a serious disappointment. She was from Tennessee, loved Jesus and her family and had lived in Kansas for 2 years. At first I thought we were going to be able to make it work, but it definitely didn't. Without getting into too much detail here she had some problems and had to leave a week early. Her mom and grandparents came up to move her stuff off and that's the last I saw of any of them.
Now on to the current roommate, Caileigh (I used to really like this name, now...never gonna happen). She's been my roommate for not even a 2 weeks and I've already learned that she's angry a LOT, has a poor relationship with her parents and her ex but not really ex boyfriend, curses like a sailor, and is a compulsive liar. She hates my GLEE music and the fact that I eat apples at night.
I'm starting to think that I'm a magnet, or maybe it's me and someone else living with these same people would've had a totally different experience.
Oy vey!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
A March For Life
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| STOP ABORTION NOW. Amen. |
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| Part of our group and the EWTN camera tent. I wish you could see how far back the people go. |
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| We were SO close to the stage! |
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| Marching on Capitol Hill. |
We're back in Kansas but my heart is still in DC with the Pro-Life movement. The actual march was on Monday when me and 200,000 of my closest friends let our voices be heard and told our government what the people really want. Isn't this an amazing sight? And thank God for the freedom of speech that allows us to voice our opinions so loudly.
My feet were aching, I was dead tired but it was ALL with it. And I'd do it again tomorrow and the day after and the day after if it meant Roe vs. Wade would be overturned.
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| On our march! |
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Monday, January 24, 2011
Do I have a Mass for you.
As I may have mentioned before, this is my 4th year marching on Washington trying to stop legalized abortion. The trip is a ton if fun but its not all rainbows and sunshine. This is a pilgrimage, not a vacation, and my friends and I sacrifice everything from our sleep, healthy eating, sanity and even comfort. We sacrifice so that the unborn can have their voices heard.
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| The main domes in the Bascillica, ALL mosaic! |
The Vigil Mass for Life at the Bascillica is amazing, but what comes with an amazing mass other than an amazing length? The procession in of the crucifix, seminarians, deacons, priests, cardinals and bishops took a good 40 minutes alone.
We arrived there today at 3:00 for 6:30 mass. We were really pretty lucky to have found some nice hard cold marble floor for a chunk of us to sit on. While marble is beyond beautiful it isn't exactly comfort seating. We didn't leave until 9:30. For me Mass was hard, I was battling exhaustion, a very hurt foot, legs that were falling asleep and the inability to see the altar. So while unfortunately all of my attention wasn't constantly directed on Mass itself I did come across an intriguing thought in prayer:
What if Mary had aborted Jesus?
Now I'm aware Mary is without sin so it never would've happened but it truly scared me. How different would my life be if Jesus Christ had never been born?
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| Michael, Leslie, Quint and I. A horrible picture but all of us worked TOTUS TUUS KCK this summer! I haven't seen Quint since August! God gave me so much on this trip. |
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Sunday, January 23, 2011
Humble thyself in the sight of the Lord.
The needy will never be lacking in the land; that is why I command you to open your hand to your poor and needy kinsman in your country. -Deuteronomy 15:11
Most Americans know about the National Mall with the monuments and they might be able to tell you that Georgetown is a beautiful experience. However most of the tourists visiting D.C. will never step foot in the Southeast. You see, those neighborhoods are the projects, drug deals happen everyday, children encounter school shootings on a regular basis and go hungry all the time. This is not the part of D.C. that people want to see.
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| This is the most beautiful view of DC I've ever encountered! |
Most Americans know about the National Mall with the monuments and they might be able to tell you that Georgetown is a beautiful experience. However most of the tourists visiting D.C. will never step foot in the Southeast. You see, those neighborhoods are the projects, drug deals happen everyday, children encounter school shootings on a regular basis and go hungry all the time. This is not the part of D.C. that people want to see.
Today I had the amazing opportunity to volunteer in Southeast Washington D.C. for some missionaries with 'A Simple House'. Their mission is to provide for their poor material and spiritual lives by building friendships with them. They provide things like rides to see their sons in prison, or a 30 minute drive for someone to go to a church service that they haven't been to in years. They put on bible studies for the children in the neighborhood and bring around gifts during the holidays. Today we helped make 20 lasagnas for the missionaries to deliver to some to the homes they visit.
Check out this group of beautiful Catholics that I volunteered with!
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It's not always going to be easy being a daughter of God.
We arrived in D.C. today! This city is truly one of my favorites. This is my 5th trip here and everytime I come back I get excited all over again. God has done so many great things in my life from this very city and everytime I come He reveals to me something more.
This trip He's been reminding me of what it takes to be His daughter. Coming with 100 people is a very cool experience but not all of us mesh perfectly together. It can sometimes be a struggle to treat everyone like a child of God when you're on a bus for 24 hours but we figure it out.
This was his first time in DC as a tourist so we took a nighttime tour of the Lincoln, WW2, Vietnam, and Korean war memorials and also snuck a lot of catching up in there. When we were done we headed over to Georgetown (4 previous trips and I've never been can you believe that?) Grabbed some Chipotle, ran into some ppl I came here with, saw Georgetown Cupcakes where the show DC Cupcakes is filmed! (sadly they were closing and I didnt get to try one), we did a little window shopping, grabbed some coffee in Starbucks and spent practically an hour talking/walking around Barnes and Noble. It was bitter sweet to say goodbye but my time with Trig was great.
God has truly blessed me and today it was overwhelmingly clear. He has given me a supportive family at home and a beautiful church family from St. Lawrence. He forgives my sins and brings me to DC so that I can be a voice for the unborn. He's blessed me with some whirlwind friendships and beautiful memories.
So before I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. I pray that he helps me with my friendship struggles, continues to bless all of the pilgrims on this journey and I pray a prayer of thanksgiving for all he has revealed to me today.
I ask only one thing of you, please join me tonight in praying for an end to abortion.
This trip He's been reminding me of what it takes to be His daughter. Coming with 100 people is a very cool experience but not all of us mesh perfectly together. It can sometimes be a struggle to treat everyone like a child of God when you're on a bus for 24 hours but we figure it out.
This trip also brought a reunion with an ex of a sort (for the fun of it let's call him Trig) We never had the healthiest relationship when we were together and we haven't had the healthiest relationship since those times 2.5 years ago either. God used my reunion with Trig to reveal to me how far we've come and how much we've both grown in Him. I now understand that my quest in life is to bring others closer to Christ. Our old relationship was definitely driving a wedge in our relationship w God. Our new friendship is based in Him. I'm a Roman Catholic and he doesn't understand my devotion to Mary or why we have a Pope. He's a biblical Christian and I struggle with the lack of tradition and the belief that the bible is the only thing. I'm not saying that the bible is nothing but I can't imagine living the rest of my life without receiving Christ in the Eucharist.
These differences can make for some really good conversation and also for a little defensiveness and hurt on my part. (I'm pretty emotional and care deeply for my religion)This was his first time in DC as a tourist so we took a nighttime tour of the Lincoln, WW2, Vietnam, and Korean war memorials and also snuck a lot of catching up in there. When we were done we headed over to Georgetown (4 previous trips and I've never been can you believe that?) Grabbed some Chipotle, ran into some ppl I came here with, saw Georgetown Cupcakes where the show DC Cupcakes is filmed! (sadly they were closing and I didnt get to try one), we did a little window shopping, grabbed some coffee in Starbucks and spent practically an hour talking/walking around Barnes and Noble. It was bitter sweet to say goodbye but my time with Trig was great. So before I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. I pray that he helps me with my friendship struggles, continues to bless all of the pilgrims on this journey and I pray a prayer of thanksgiving for all he has revealed to me today.
I ask only one thing of you, please join me tonight in praying for an end to abortion.
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Saturday, January 22, 2011
Say it loud. Say it proud. PROLIFE!!!
I am currently on a bus with 100 of my closest friends! We've already shared The Mass, introduced ourselves and the movie character that most resembles us (mine was Rapunzel from Tangled by the way!), had speed dates w half the bus (so much fun! They announce a question and you discuss it with your seat partner and then the people sitting in the aisle rotate!), had evening and night prayer, and we are currently starting the movie Remember the Titans. I'm sure I'll be asleep soon so remember to keep the unborn in your prayers. Good night!
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Friday, January 21, 2011
March 4 Life!
First can I just tell you that I. LOVE. BABIES!!!
I'm so excited as tomorrow I will begin my 4th pilgrimage to our nations capital to march for the rights of aborted children all over this great nation. If you haven't picked up on this already I'm a student at The University of Kansas.
Here at KU I've become very involved in the St.Lawrence Catholic Campus Center. A group of 100 students/advisors will be taking 2 charter buses on 24 hour trips to Washington D.C. this weekend to SAVE. THE. BABIES!!!
The March for Life happens in D.C. every year on the Anniversary of Roe vs. Wade which was a court case which ruled in favor of making Abortion legal. When I think of all of the lives that have been murdered in this careless way it hurts my heart. These children are gifts from God, at the moment of conception he has named them and knows what the color of their eyes will be and if they'll be Jayhawks or Wildcats (not all of us can be perfect).
It's important to understand that as Catholics we shouldn't judge those women that have had abortions in their lives, we should pray for them and welcome them back to God's family with open arms. Which is something I will be doing a lot of this weekend, and I ask that you do it with me. If you're looking for some extra help I suggest praying for the intercession of
St. Catherine of Sweden
and
St. Gianna Beretta Molla.
BOTH Saints whose patronage is against abortion.
I will also urge urge URGE you to take the time and discover the story of Gianna Jessen (a pro-life activist and the SURVIVOR of a Saline Abortion). I took the time to start reading her book over the pilgrimage last year and I promose that you won't be disappointed with what you discover. Visist her website here: http://www.giannajessen.com/
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