Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.

ACE

As I've blogged about before I'm not a huge fan of the animal kingdom. But even I, the non-lover of animals, have fallen for a few. 

Until recently I can't remember a time where our family didn't have a dog, and I mean at least one. Growing up we had greyhounds and then the greyhounds had more greyhounds and for a second there I thought we were running a racetrack. Those dogs although fun to run around with were never truly my pets.

Johnny was the first dog I think I truly considered my pet. I was pretty young throughout his whole life so I don't remember much about him except that he was a short fat little beagle whom I loved. I remember thinking that I hadn't seen Johnny for awhile and then someone in my family telling me that they didn't think he would be coming back. That was rough because I was experiencing my first pet loss.

Ace!

Then came Ace, the little doggy light of my life. I remember getting him and he was just a puppy, I'd slip him into my tutu's and carry him around in a wicker basket. I'd let him chew on my jelly sandals and love him to the max. Ace was always there. He was in the yard waiting for you when you were driving home and he was at the door waiting for you when you'd come outside. He'd retrieve countless numbers of softballs that were over/underthrown so that we didn't have to. Ace was my tanning partner on my roof in the middle of the summer and my walking companion because there was no way you were gonna catch me walking alone in the country! (I've seen those snakes and I hear those coyotes at night, don't think that I don't!)

Ace was the dream dog, the worst thing I ever remember him doing is dragging his 'hunt' into the yard (talk about gross!). I loved to look out on the deck and see Ace curled up in the shade sleeping and our cat curled up on top of Ace sleeping. He was a lover. When Ace died this past summer it was extremely hard on our whole family.

My oldest brother Jeremy with Ace

When I started writing this I had no intention of tying it to God. But in reality everything is tied to Him. He is at the center of all that is good. Not that I'm trying to say that God is like my dog, but reminiscing on my memories with Ace I'm reminded of how God is always with us.

Just as Ace waited for me to drive into the driveway, get out of my car and followed me until I got in the house and then ran to the window to watch from the inside so does God. He is always there waiting for me to come home, to come home to Him.

When Ace knew that I was about to go inside and stop petting him and playing with him and leave him he'd give you that look. You know? That look; that 'stay with me a little longer, I love you, I want to play with you!' look. I imagine that that's the way our Lord looks at us when we leave Him. He wants to be with us and it fills Him with joy when we choose to be with Him.

When I would go inside, even if it were for 5 minutes, once I opened that door and stepped outside again it was like Ace was having a party for my return. He was so happy to see me and he'd long forgotten about my leaving him. It's a lot like the Parable of the Prodigal Son. The prodigal son left his father and wasted everything that he had given him. When the son returned the father wasn't angry at him but rejoiced that his son was back and threw a party. Our Lord loves that we spend time with him. And even though sometimes we leave Him, He is always ready to welcome us back with open arms. He loves us unwaveringly and that is enough.

My older brother Russ with Ace and Tyler



Day 29: A picture that can always make you smile :)

Alright, so its not a picture its a video. You know those days? YOU know! those DAYS! Nothing seems to be going right, you were late to class, forgot about your assignments, didn't get enough sleep, feel like crud, stubbed your toe and it started raining while you're wearing flip flops and walking in mud.

Issue.

This beautiful girl is my youngest niece London. She's adorable and at the age of 2; HILARIOUS! On those days that I'm feeling like the world's against me, underachieved and underappreciated I watch this video and I'm reminded that there are more important things in life. I love this little girl, and knowing that she loves me back is more than enough.

I'm actually visiting my sister and her family today and I can't wait to hug my nieces tight and tell them how much I love them!

Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of

This may come as a surprise to all of you, but an animal person I am not. 

Sometimes when I say that out loud to people they look at me in shock, like HOW can I not be an animal person? EVERYBODY is an animal person. Let's set the record straight, it's not that hate animals I just prefer most of them behind a fence and on a leash.

I was raised on a farm and we had our fair share of animals; cows and calves, hogs, piggies, dogs, puppies, cats and kitties. And when I was little all of these animals were great! I got to bottle feed a calf every once and a while which was cool but kinda gross at the same time(so slobbery!).

My mom told me a story about when I was really little and my dad was moving hogs and the pen was really muddy. His boot must have been stuck in the mud and when the hogs kept coming he went over backwards and I just started crying and screaming 'the pigs ate my daddy!'

When I was a little older than that I was at my Aunt and Uncles house one night with my dad. My dad and uncle were looking at something, it could have been a cow/calf but my memory is a little hazy. I had been playing with their dog and was down petting him when it happened. I was a gonner, buh-bye animal kingdom, no way, no how, ain't gonna happen. HE BIT ME! Right on my upper lip on which I still have a little scar to this day.

From that moment on I was deathly afraid of dogs. DOGS! Big dogs, small dogs, white dogs, black dogs, solid color dogs, spotted dogs, loud dogs, quiet dogs, yippy dogs, barking dogs, dogs. I couldn't take a step in to my best friend Brittany's house in Elementary/Jr.High without making her put her Golden Retriever Summer in a separate room while I made a mad dash up the stairs away from her.

I'm 20 now and I still curl my hands up in a fist when dogs start sniffing around me, I just don't trust their mouth and my fingers in the same general vicinity. Oh and don't even get me started on doggy kisses, there is no way. that I'm ever going to let a dog get that close to my mouth on purpose ever again. NO. WAY.

Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.

Let me introduce you to my youngest 1st cousin MaKenna. 

I remember when she was born, I was a 7th grader and it was the same night as one of my brothers Senior football games. She was born premature and her birth was both very joyful and very scary. I only have 3 younger 1st cousins (we're at the bottom of the lot) and I wasn't old enough to remember the other 2 so this was my first real experience with a family member being born. I could NOT wait.

Christmas!

She's just about the most adorable thing you've ever seen. I'm asked quite often if MaKenna is my niece. Sadly she isn't but she doesn't have to be my niece for me to love her like one. The 13 years between us doesn't separate much as we practically share the exact same hair color, skin color, freckles and light eyes. 

It's funny when my nieces Addison and London come to visit and MaKenna comes out to see everyone how messed up people will get telling MaKenna to go ask 'Aunt Cassi' something. Especially when it's my Grandma or Mom!

As much as she loves to spend the night with us I probably love having her spend the night with me even more. At that age everything is so fun, everything is an experience. Creativity is booming and the world is a fabulous place. Board games are never ending and with this little one I don't even have to lose on purpose because she can put up a pretty fair fight, especially in Sorry! 

Easter!

I love getting to come home and watch her dance, especially because that's something that I used to do. She's got an arm like a rocket and can throw a ball better than I could at her age. We've got a lot in common this little one and I. We were raised in the age where boys dominate the family (when you have 5 uncles it seems like guys are just always around) so we're a little bit girly but a whole lot messy.

Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you

UPDATE!

My Grandpa Don, 'Uncle' Ray and 'Uncle' Chuck were all drafted into the army together during World War II. I can't imagine being drafted into anything, let alone the military during wartime. They were stationed together during the remainder of their time enlisted.

Me and Uncle Ray :)

Now that in itself is not much of a story, but what comes after is:
You know that song from The Hangover "we're the three best friends that anyone could have?" That's kind of what plays over and over again in my head when I think about my Grandpa Don, Ray and Chuck. Those three guys are the reason that my 'family' is approximately triple the size of most.
While my Grandpa & Grandma lived in Kansas, Ray & Harriet and Chuck & Marge both lived in different towns in Michigan. The summer after they all got out of the military my Grandma & Grandpa took a drive up to Michigan to visit over a 3 day weekend. Every other summer from that year on they took turns traveling between Michigan and Kansas with all of their kids.
As my mom and uncles and the rest of the original kids got older the family vacations ceased, but my Grandma & Grandpa, Ray & Harriet, and Chuck & Marge still found time to get together every year.

On a ferry to Mackinaw Island!

In 1995 my Grandpa Don passed away. He was the first person that we lost from my Michigan family. Even though I was only 4 years old I remember everyone coming to Kansas for his funeral. In those moments my grandpa's generation and my mom's generation along with my generation decided to bring back the family vacations every other summer to visit each other.
So in the summer of 1996 I took my first trip to Michigan.

Every other summer from that summer on I got to see my Michigan family. This past summer, 2010, was the first summer that I didn't get to go on the family vacation to Colorado. I've never felt like I was missing out on so much in my life. If you know anything about me than you know I HATE missing out on things. I was with them in spirit however.
Although there may be people missing from the Michigan family that were originally there, those people are never forgotten. I miss my Grandpa Don all the time and wish so badly that I would've had more time with him. And I cherish all of the time I got to spend with with my 'Uncle' Chuck before he passed away a few years ago.

I am SO thankful for these people, people that without the grace of God I never would've met. I can't imagine my childhood summers without Michigan, Cat Lake, Swimming, Running over a chipmunk on the toboggan slide in Colorado, Yogi Bear, Learning to Water Ski, Driving a Duck in the Wisconsin Dells, Learning to play Bocce Ball, Struggling to learn Euchre, Sitting around campfires and spending time with my 'Family'.
We take a picture every year that we get together, a large group picture and occasionally someone brings along a friend who is deemed the temporary photographer. The last reunion in Kansas someone asked why this friend should take the picture instead of being in it. My instant reaction without thinking about it was "because she's not family".

Being a part of this family, that started with 3 guys being drafted in the army, has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. I thank God that He brought us together and I pray that He never lets us part.

Day 25: A picture of your day

Ooooo I had a fabulous day!

First I went to class:

Then I went to work:

 THEN I went to the KU game! 

My favorite person to watch KU basketball games with!

The Rock Chalk Chant!

It was Senior Night, the last regular season home game:

Tyrel Reed, Brady Morningstar, Mario Little

Our Seniors!

Look at who else was at the game:

Larry Brown!

Mike McCarthy - Super Bowl Champions Green Bay Packers Head Coach!

Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change

I couldn't bring myself to post a picture of a child who was actually murdered by abortion. I looked it up and was heartbroken all over again. How could anyone do this to these children and think it was alright? Let alone legal! Recently there's been some great news when the House voted to defund Planned Parenthood, the biggest provider of legal abortions in the United States. Hearing news likes that makes going on pilgrimages like March for Life that much more rewarding.

Rubbing a lamp and hoping that a giang blue genie comes out isn't going to make my wish for an end to abortion happen, but prayer will. Above all, trust in the slow work of God. He has a plan and I plan on playing as big of a role in that plan as He will allow.

Day 23: A picture of your favorite book

I LOVE to read, unfortunately I don't have a whole lot of time for that while I'm in college. 

Among the Hidden is my FAVORITE book from when I was in grade school. I read it so many times I think I probably have it memorized. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it when I purged the books from when I was little so it's still sitting on a shelf above my closet. I like to think that I'll get around to reading it again eventually.

Saintly Solutions to Life's Common Problems is my current favorite book. I started reading it when I worked Totus Tuus this summer. There was never a lot of time to read but each short chapter addresses a common problem that we face as humans and gives examples of how the Saints dealt with these same problems in their own ways.

It goes through everything from Argumentativeness, Boredom, Envy, Gossip, Illness, Pride, Temptations and everything in between. It's inspiring to know that those that the church recognizes as Saints went through some of the very same problems that I deal with and found away to persevere through them with God instead of letting those problems turn them away from Him. I may never be done reading it but I like to pick it up and when I have just a few minutes and take it to prayer when I need a little guidance.

Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at

I wish I were better at Time Management!

 

You're talking to the queen of procrastinating here. In fact, last night I didn't sleep so that I could get a project done.  

Why did I do that? I have NO IDEA! 

I always wait until the last minute to do things and find plenty of other things to do that don't really need done. I'm always working on something, it's just that usually that something isn't the one thing I should be working on. 

Right now while I'm writing this I have an email open that I should have sent a week ago, I'm worrying about scheduling something tomorrow that I should have taken care of yesterday, and trying to watch a tv show as well as thinking about starting a paper that's due at midnight tomorrow. Yes I've known about the paper all semester and no I don't need to be watching this show and I probably should be sleeping since I didn't last night but that just doesn't seem to be the way I'm programmed.  

I can't even imagine how much stress I WOULDN'T have to deal with if I weren't such a procrastinator.

Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget

Every math class I took from 8th grade to Jr year including a College Algebra summer class. It's not that I hate math, I'm not bad at it, I just really hated math class.

I cried, at least one class every year from 8th grade to Jr year INCLUDING that summer class (embarrassing!). Then I'd cry even more because I was embarrassed I was crying! I hate not being the best at things which I know is selfish, but Math just never came as easy to me like every other subject did. I had to work hard at math, and I did, I worked REALLY hard, and when I still couldn't get it I'd get very frustrated. Frustrated to the point of tears. Every year like clockwork. Thank God I don't have to take a math class ever again.

Day 20: A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel

Ahhhh how I love to travel. SO many places how am I supposed to choose?

Since my favorite number is 3 I will choose my top 3:

Ireland! The land of my ancestors!
I really love green as well so this trip couldn't go wrong.

Home sweet Rome!
I'd actually like to visit all of Italy.

Greece!
There's something about the beauty of the coastline!
Also the architecture history there really intrigues me.

Day 19: A picture and a letter

So... I'm going to take a little bit of creative liberty here and NOT write a letter, which I think is what is expected. Instead I'm going to put a picture of letters (like from the alphabet) that I took. I think that's way more fun anyways!

These are presents that I made for some of my family members for Christmas. I had so much fun making these, taking a camera out and looking for objects that could resemble the letter I needed. In case you were wondering what each letter is I'll explain below:

FitzGerald

F- Part of an old rail bed
I- A golf ball on a tee 
T- A croquet mallet 
Z- The 'N' on the tailgate of an old truck 
G- The iron railing from my Grandma's house 
E- A deer antler 
R- An old water pump 
A- A tree 
L- My Dad's cowboy boot 
D- A giant log

Smith

S- The S hook on a swing

M- Archways from a 19th century home

I- A nail in a wood beam

T- A croquet mallet

H- A 'little tikes' kids chair

Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity

in-se-cure

[in-si-kyoor] 

–adjective

1. subject to fears, doubts, etc.; not self-confident or assured: an insecure person.

2. not confident or certain; uneasy; anxious: He was insecure about the examination.

3. not secure; exposed or liable to risk, loss, or danger: an insecure stock portfolio.

4. not firmly or reliably placed or fastened: an insecure ladder.

I guess that would make my biggest insecurity my future. I know I've got a couple years before I graduate but I get nervous about what I'm going to do after that all the time. Interior Design is a very limited field of study. There's a handful of career paths I can take and a ton of people vying for every position out there.  Sometimes I second guess myself, is this really what I want to do for the rest of my life? Is this what God is calling me to do with my life? Then I wonder if I'm second guessing myself because I'm nervous, nervous that I could fail, or that I could succeed more than I ever imagined. This quote always comes to mind when I think about my future:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

And I cant think of this quote without thinking of this scene from the movie Coach Carter:

So yes my future scares me, it crosses my mind constantly, but I know that God is there for me and that He knows the path that is best for me to take and I have to trust that He's preparing for me a future I can't even imagine. I'm reminded of that constantly, so here are a few verses from the New American Bible that help me when I feel just a little too insecure:

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the decision of the LORD that endures.

Romans 8:28 - We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.

Psalm 37:37 - Observe the honest, mark the upright; those at peace with God have a future.

Proverbs 23:17-19 - Let not your heart emulate sinners, but be zealous for the fear of the LORD always; For you will surely have a future, and your hope will not be cut off. Hear, my son, and be wise, and guide your heart in the right way.

1 Corinthians 2:9 - But as it is written: "What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him,"

Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently

 

 

I wasn't quite sure how to depict this but the answer is: The Weather! So as I write this it's pretty chilly outside but a few days ago I was wearing shorts and flip flops to class, in FEBRUARY! How can you not have a sunny disposition when you're wearing flip flops in February?

It's amazing how the weather has such a positive affect on my mood! Thank you God!

Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you

Aren't they just too cute?! These are my grandmas! They're both very different but inspiring none the less.

In the white on the left is my Grandma Elaine (she's my mama's mama). She raised 5 sons and a daughter(you've gotta be like superwoman to be able to handle MY uncles!). She's mama to 6, grandmama to 12, grandmama in-law to 6, and great grandmama to 13.

She was the grandma that lived in 'town', the grandma that I spent my summers with, she took me shopping and swimming and fed me lunch. I slept on her couch/in her chair after summer weights, volleyball/softball/cheer practices, and 2-a-days, when I was too tired/sore to even breathe. She supplied me with frozen Snickers and endless amounts of icy-pops!

She's a beautiful Catholic, I'm hard pressed to find a day when this Grandmama isn't in church, at mass, helping with the ladies circle, praying a rosary or feeding someone.  Plus have I mentioned that she makes the best fried chicken known to man?! Now that's something to aspire to! 
______________________________________________________________

On the right is my Grandma LaVada [Lavada, not said like Nevada, the 2nd a is long] (she'd be my daddy's mama). Doesn't she have the coolest name?

This woman is the strongest person I've ever met, I'd pick her vs. anyone any day, and she's just so tiny and cute! I'm amazed by her strength and her determination and how hard of a worker she is. She's a farmers wife and a farmer herself. I don't know the logistics but I do know that she helped custom harvest for a large part of her life with my grandpa. She's also an entrepreneur, as if she didn't have enough stuff on her plate, she's a florist and owns her own shop! 

If it were up to her she'd never ask for anyone's help but God's. When she needed her roof shingled a couple years ago guess who thought she was gonna get up there and help? She's 80! I'm young and I didn't want to help!

I'm not sure she has a mean bone in her body, she does everything with the sweetest intentions. My mom always says that she couldn't have asked for a better mother in-law and I would probably agree with that. What a beautiful strong Catholic woman God has given to this world, I'm so glad that He put her in mine.

Day 15: A picture of something you want to do before you die

I picked 3 after some narrowing down, there's just so many things I want to do!

Attend Mass at St.Peter's Basilica

Kiss the Blarney Stone

Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium

Just maybe not with my face!

 

At Home in Prayer

Picture yourself at home. How do you feel? What do you see? Where are you?

The answers to these questions are remarkably different for everyone. I met with a small group this morning and we talked about this very same question.

For me I was in the country, just me and my family. I saw the house that I've lived in my entire life that looked over fields and timber.

For someone else it was his dog and his pool where he felt at home. One girl felt at home in a canyon in California. Another girl saw her father and cousin who had recenly passed away.

You know that feeling you get when you're in you're own home? You're comfortable and cozy, you feel protected and loved. You have everything you need around you and everyone you love close by.

It's not quite the same feeling when you visit someone else's house. When you go to visit their house it may be bigger, fancier, cleaner, more organized, have a wonderful aroma and be the house of your dreams, but it's just not HOME. It's a beautiful house and makes a great home for whoever lives there, but it's not YOURS.

There are things in that house that just don't fit your life style. That house is tailored for the people that live there. We all have different visions of what home is, I don't think I'd be at home in a canyon in California or with that guys' dog.

That's kind of how I see my prayer life.

When I came to college and to St.Lawrence I was being introduced to college students with prayer lives that knocked my socks off. I wanted their prayer life, maybe I even envied it! Sometimes I would see what they were doing and think 'I can do that too!' but it just wasn't the same.

God has made each relationship with us as individual as the homes we live in. To me those students I saw with the amazing prayer lives were the people with the big beautiful houses. It was nice to get ideas from them but I could never be at home there.

You see I can't find myself at home in someone else's prayer life. I have to build my own. Every house starts with the same foundation, a foundation on rock. 

A shack and a mansion are both started with a single 2x4 piece of wood. Now maybe I'm not living in a mansion in my prayer life currently, but God supplies me with everything I need in order to have the home in prayer that He desires for me.

Even in the middle of the country smack dab in the middle of a wheat field!

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Well this was a no brainer, because sometimes I still have trouble believing that I ever lived the first 9 years of my life without her. The beautiful woman I'm talking about is my sister Sara. I was 9 and she was 18 when we first met.

Sara with her girls Addison and London.
Aren't they all gorgeous?

You see my mom had Sara when she was in high school and decided to give her up for adoption. Sara was adopted by a fabulous family and when she turned 18 she decided she wanted to find her birthmother, our mother! It was a surprise at first because I didn't know about Sara but it didn't take long for me, the only girl in the famly, to warm up to the idea of having a sister. A SISTER!

Me Mom and Sara on Christmas Cookie baking day!

I think I'd been praying for a sister since I knew how to pray. I thought I would be getting a sister in the form of a baby but it's amazing how God works isn't it? My sister is a beautiful strong woman and mother to my two amazing nieces. I truly couldn't imagine my life without her. God blessed our famly so much when He brought her into our lives

Our famliy, I couldn't imagine it without any of them.
Sara, Rob, Katie, Jeremy, London, Addison, Mom, Dad, Me, Russ.



Day 13: A picture of your favorite band/artist.

Ooooooo this is a toughy! I'll do it in categories:

My favorite local band: The Louisiana Street Band 

Click on the link above to listen to their music and I PROMISE you that you won't be disappointed. They just won a national competition and got to record in L.A. so you know they've gotta be good. I know about The Louisiana Street Band because my friend JohnMarc from St.Lawrence is the lead singer in it and he's amazing. So what are you waiting for? Go check 'em out!


My favorite band from when I was younger: Destiny's Child!

Oh man I was addicted. I owned all of their CD's listened to their Christmas music and if you happened to find me dancing around my room their music was probably playing. I STILL know all of the words to practically every song!

My favorite band now: GLEE!

Ok so they're not really a band, but I'm addicted to their music. I can't ever pick one genre and stick to it, I like it all which is why Glee is so perfect, they cover everything, and they do so amazingly! So of course I'm an owner of all of the volumes!

Day 12: A picture of something you love.

Ahhhh....softball. I miss you!