My first Bright Maidens post Ever! Summer Reading

So I've been following the Bright Maiden's for a while now, ever since they started making their Tuesday posts. I've wanted to join in many times since the things they have been posting about have been really interesting.  Sometimes I'll even sit down and start typing away all of my thoughts but they just don't seem to flow, they feel forced and sometimes the posts are so awful I wouldn't even want to read it.

But I have long figured out that this blog is not my own, it's the Lord's. I am merely an instrument for His greater good. I have tried believe me, I have tried to write about what I want but every time it just seems dumb. And then that idea sparks from somewhere inside me and I write and I write until the post is done and I sit back, look at it and say 'huh?'. How did I do that? How did all of those thoughts flow so well together? Last month I tried to write about this and I couldn't write 3 comprehensive sentences!  Then I get that email, the one that says "Thank you for posting this, it's exactly what I needed to hear/see/understand at this exact moment.", and I see that it is all in His timing.

"I cannot do anything on my own" - John 5:30

So I try not to force things. I tried SO many times to write about Totus Tuus this summer. I tried before I left. I tried during training week. I tried during immersion week. I tried during our first week on our own. I tried during the break. I tried when there was 1 week left. And then Totus Tuus was over, I sat down and it just came, and I knew He had kept me from writing all summer so that I could focus on the work He had set before me. I really wanted to write. All summer I wished that I was near a computer so that I could blog. But I realized that I was being kept from blogging to concentrate on something greater. God had called me to teach Totus Tuus and he was calling me to be Totus Tuus(Totally Yours) to Him and to those kids.

But now Totus Tuus is over and I must find what I am being called to. For the first time I am being called to write a Bright Maiden's post. It may be a bit late but it's all in God's time. Ive spent the past couple days catching up on the books that everyone else has recommended and I found a common theme. Books for Catholics written by Catholics, and that's awesome! This summer however I dove into some Christian books written by non-Catholics. As I warned myself before I read them, do so with one eye open for things that would lead me away from the church, I would also warn others.
 

The first book I read this summer was The Shack by William P. Young. Now although there are some definite parts of the book that I disagree with as a Catholic there were some amazing things I learned from it. Since I could never write a review even close to the caliber of Fr.Robert Barron's stop by and read it!

The 2nd book I read was Captivating: Unveiling the mystery of a woman's soul by John & Stasi Eldredge. It talks about how every woman has 3 core desires: to be romanced, to play a role in her own adventures & to display beauty. In an age where feminism tries to take everything that's lovely about being a woman & turn it into something negative I enjoyed reading about how I was created as a feminine being. There are a couple of things to watch out for however. Stasi talks about her Catholic upbringing in a less than flattering light. They also point to Eve as the woman we should all look up to. I was disappointed they didn't take the opportunity to show Mary, perfect and without sin, in this role instead.

I literally had Heaven is For Real by Todd Burpo started and finished in under 10 hours. This 4 year old boy describes heaven as if he had just finished reading the book of Revelation earlier that day. I found this particularly interesting/comforting/pleasing since so much of the Catholic Mass can be found in the book of Revelation that heaven would be so similar. He also takes extra care to point out for us Catholics such things like the whereabouts of Mary, at Jesus' feet or standing beside Him, and that Jesus still loves Mary like a mother, as we believe.

I wouldn't necessarily keep my first kiss until I was standing at the altar like Joshua Harris writes about in I Kissed Dating Goodbye.There's a part in this book where it is Josh's wedding day & he has just watched his beautiful bride walk down the aisle. They're looking at each other when all of a sudden every woman from Josh's past walks out of the crowd & takes his hand. His bride looks terrified. Now he has to tell her that he's sorry but he's already given parts of his heart to all of these women & she only gets what's left. It's a book of truly guarding your heart, of long and deep friendship before relationships and conquering modern dating traps.

Last but not least the most influential book I've read all summer, The 5 Love Languages:singles edition by Gary Chapman. Gary presents the idea that there are 5 ways in which people express love; Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Most people have one dominant love language which is the way they show and receive love. I've since learned that I have two dominant love languages after scoring an 11 on both Quality Time and Physical Touch. It makes so much sense since I generally do not feel a lot of love if people do not want to spend their time with me. It's made me more sensitive to showing my family and friends their primary love language. Take the test at 5lovelanguages.com and tell me what language you are!

Check out what the other Bright Maidens had to suggest for reading here!Peace and happy reading!

I said TOTUS TUUS to the LORD this summer!

I'm back!!!

Totus Tuus will do this to you!

Whether I can believe it or not, I am done working Totus Tuus for the summer! It seems like I just started but it's been 9.5 weeks since my dad drove my duffel bag and I to Wichita, KS to hand my summer over to our Lord teaching a parish summmer catechetical program.

Team 4!

Teamies: Nick, Jacob, Loretta and I

This summer I gave Him my waking hours, my sleeping hours, my I wish I was sleeping hours. I gave Him my control, my desire to be acknowledged and my distaste for small talk with strangers. I gave Him my appetite, my hatred for onions and my ability to clear my plate no matter what was on it. I gave Him my want to wear more than 7 outfits all summer, and my hopelessly dirty feet. I gave Him my most prayerful times and the 7:45am chapel time where prayer was the last thing I wanted to be doing. I gave Him my voice singing during adoration and yelling over 130 children. I even gave Him my love for social media and blogging and did without it! I am proud to say that I said Totus Tuus to the Lord this summer. 

I had Justin Bieber Fever in this skit. Definitely singing One Less Lonely Girl.

The training week cup washing ladies and our cute aprons!

But even after giving Him all that and more, I know that I couldn't have done it without His help. I'm more impressed with how much God taught me this summer than with anything I could have done on my own. He kept me sane and showed me how strong in my convictions I can stand with Him in my corner. With Christ I could be more patient when I asked for the opportunity and ability to practice it. In seeing Christ in others I could fight the urge to blow up when I was annoyed or tired or grumpy. Because I was doing the Lords work I was capable of so much more.

Totus Tuus bowling with Alex!

Me and Kirsten, University of Kansas representing!

It's like they say:

Nobody said it was going to be easy, they just said it was going to be worth it.

Teammie Human Sundae

Who puts fruit loops on their ice cream sundae's really?

And totally worth it it has been. He blessed me with all of the amazing people I encountered this summer. Waking up every morning at approximately 7:36 to leave the house at 7:40 so we could have meditation, pray morning prayer and the rosary as a team was worth it to grow in my spiritual life. To let the Lord be the source of my energy when at 9:00am every morning a swarm of kids from 1st-6th grade would pour in the door waiting for me to acknowledge them, listen to their stories, and show them they were important to me. The hours of classes during training week while I was dog tired covering the stories of Adam & Eve, Noah, Abraham, Moses, David and Christ along with the Sorrowful Mysteries of the Rosary at a college level were worth it when I saw the wheels start to click in the minds of my 5th graders every week. Wanting to take a 4 hour nap every afternoon but often skipping it to have Sonic Happy Hour/Glee watching/Pigeon Story Reading/Swimming time to create a bond outside of work with my team was worth the exhaustion I often felt when it came time for the 7th-12th grade program at night. And by 10pm it took all I had not to let my head collapse on my pillow before remembering that God is the reason I made it through the day in the first place without keeling over an dying, and to give Him some time before sleep, but it was all worth it. And even though I like to say I couldn't do it one more day... if they needed me tomorrow I'd say yes in a heart beat.

Christine, Me, Alex and Alice during training week!

Again on our last night together at the end of summer retreat!

Where You lead I will follow

I was hired to be on a parish team for Totus Tuus Wichita! 

The email about it came on a Wednesday and I had to have an answer by that Friday. I was happy that they hired me, really I was, but I just wasn't sure if that's what I was supposed to do. Actually I wasn't sure if that's what I wanted to do. You know how it works, I want what I want and I want it yesterday. Well, everything wasn't working out according to MY plan and if I couldn't have everything I wanted I didn't want any of it. Wow just typing that out makes me feel like an eight year old.

I had a decision to make, take another summer to work for and grow in Him, or go home and have a boring office job with a semi-active social life. I know the second option seems so enticing right? Maybe not.

It's so obvious now that I'm being called to do Totus Tuus again. I mean I had to actively decide to apply, fill out the application and drive to the interview. So what was holding me back? My selfishness, pride, jealousy, fear? All of the above. For a quick second I seriously considered sending an email back declining the position. I'm glad I didn't do that.

I took it to prayer, in adoration at 1 a.m. Thursday morning there I was before Christ begging asking for an answer, JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO! They say that if only you are silent you will hear His answer. Well I heard crickets. It wasn't until approximately 20 hours later while I sat at home watching some March Madness that He answered me. In the middle of watching a basketball game and looking through a book a piece of paper fell out, it read:

Where I am today is where He wants me to be.

Where He leads me tomorrow is where I will follow.

There it was, plain as day, the answer I had been looking for to a decision I had been struggling with. He heard me and He answered me. I remember sitting in the chapel on a Saturday morning during a Koinonia meeting when Msgr. Vince Krische said this and bells just started ringing in my head. I remember reaching over 3 people to the right and asking to borrow a pencil so I could write these two sentences down before they left my mind forever. Who knew that months ago when I decided to write it down on the back of a piece of paper and stick it inside of a book that it would be the way in which God would answer me.

For some He may speak in the silence of your heart, but He knows me better than that. You see it would simply be way too easy for me to sit there and listen and for Him to answer. No, He addresses me in an extremely personal way, tailored to my life. I multitask, to the extreme! So of course God would reveal himself to me while watching a basketball game, painting my nails checking my bracket and flipping through a book.

It's rather simple now. He wanted me to be in that very place going through that book so that He could answer me. He's leading me to Totus Tuus Wichita, all of the signs are pointing that direction and all I have to do is follow.

P.S. How perfect is it that the theme song to my favorite show is Where you Lead?