God is Love

 Koinonia 14 is over :(  

Can you believe that? Because I'm having trouble wrapping my mind around it. I know this seems cliche but it literally feels like yesterday I was getting home from my Koinonia 11 looking back on the fortified friendships and faith I gained from that weekend. SLK is doing great things here in Lawrence and it's been my privilege to be a part of the biggest SLK team and retreat EVER for SLK 14! 

The Holy Spirit was moving in everyone and it was beautiful to see. I had the honor of being a resource giving the "God is Love" talk on SLK 14 and although you can't quite get the same experience as if I were standing in front of you presenting the talk myself I thought I would share it with you anyways, so that you may be reminded of your greater call to Love in this life and the next. So without further ado:

God is Love

LOVE. A noun. 1a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; "love for a child"; (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests ;"love for his old schoolmates" b : an assurance of affection

That’s what you’ll find when you look up love in the dictionary. In all of these definitions you’ll find in one way or another that relationships are involved, but when we look closer at these worldly definitions we can see just how shallow they really are. So where do you look when even a dictionary points you in the wrong direction? In 1 John 4:8 he seems to tell it like it is: ‘God is Love’. Oh well duh! God is love! Why didn’t I think of that? I’m glad that’s settled and now we all know what love is [or rather who love is] so we’re all good...we can move on. Great.

Wait a minute...

?!?!?!WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THAT MEAN?!?!?!

Yeah, that’s what I thought too when I was chosen to give this talk. 

God is love? Cool. But what does that mean? 

What does that mean to me? 

What does God is love have to do with me and with my life? 

How can 3 very small words with a total of 3 syllables and 9 letters be so hard to explain?

     The answer: because God is a mystery, especially when it comes to relationships; because God himself is a relationship. One we lovingly refer to as the Holy Trinity. In this relationship we see the true and perfect example of love. We believe in 3 persons in 1 God and their distinction lies in the relationship of each to the others. One Father from whom all things are, one Lord Jesus Christ, through whom all things are, and one Holy Spirit in whom all things are. Everyone who glorifies the Father does so through the Son and in the Holy Spirit; everyone who follows Christ does so because the Father draws him and the Spirit moves him. By sending his only Son and the Spirit of Love in the fullness of time, God has revealed his innermost secret: God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange.

How exciting is that?! God wants us to share in the exchange of eternal love that is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So how do we do that?

Well, we are called to live it. In the Gospel of John 15:9-17 it says:

"As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love.

I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment; love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my father. It was not you who chose me but I who chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit that will remain, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name he may give you. This I command you; love one another."

So after reading that and remembering that we are called to share in the exchange of eternal love that is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The new question is; How are we called to live this love?

Well in order to give love to others we must first remain in Christ’s love and He tells us how to do so by following God’s commandments. And he also tells us of the greatest love of all “to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” – a sacrificial love

Now God showed us the ultimate sacrificial love when he sent his Son to lay down his life on a cross for the forgiveness of our sins which you heard about in the Paschal Mystery talk and experienced yesterday during ‘Die Day’, but there are examples of this sacrificial love in all of our lives.

When I was 9 years old my parents sat my 2 older brothers and I down on the couch in the basement and knelt in front of us. My mom had tears in her eyes I knew something was up because this sitting on a couch in the basement with no tv on simply wasn’t normal. They had something to tell us, and my mom started in. 18 years ago when my mom was a senior in high school she gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl.

And that was the last time they had seen each other.  

You see my mom gave my sister up for adoption. Not because she didn’t love her or didn’t want to be with her, in fact her choice for adoption grew out of her love for her new daughter, because she knew that my sister could have a better life. This was a sacrifice that my mom would have to live with for the rest of her life.

But the story gets better I promise!

We were sitting on the couch that day not because of that news, but because of the news that my long lost sister had just turned 18 and when you’re an adopted child when you turn 18 you regain the rights to find your birth parents. (And 12 years later looking back I can’t help but to see God’s hand in all of this) When my sister was a little girl the mother that had adopted her had passed away and she was left without a mother. So when she turned 18 she decided she wanted to find her birth parents; which is when my mom got the call from her adopted dad, also the reason that we were sitting on the couch that very day. My sister wanted to meet my mom and in turn meet us. 

And that sacrificial love of my mother 29 years ago has turned into one of the biggest blessings in my life. I’m now blessed with the beautiful sister that I always wanted and in turn the two most amazing nieces. And I’m certain that the sacrificial love that my mom showed has affected the way that I love my sister and nieces today.

But a sacrificial love isn’t the only type of love out there. Actually there are said to be four different kinds of love. While in the English language we are restricted to one word for love: love. Like I love my family, and I love my friends, I love flip flops, I love God, I love all of you, I love scrambled eggs, and I love the color green; but I don't love you all like I love scrambled eggs. 

Which leads us back to Greek. You've already learned Koinonia which is Greek for Community and Metanoia which is Greek for "change of heart" and I'm about to throw four more words at you, because in Greek there are four different words to describe this love: Storge, Philia, Eros, and Agape.

Storge is affection – This is often the type of love we find in our families; a fondness and automatic acception of others through being familiar with them, close to them, around them a lot. This type of love comes most naturally to us because we often don’t need to be convinced of its existence.  In Storge we can turn a blind eye to characteristics such as addiction, lying, and abuse that wouldn’t be deemed worthy of love in many other relationships.  It’s like the old saying “blood is thicker than water”.

Take Bambi for instance! I don’t know how much you remember about the beloved Disney movie but it showcases almost all of these loves in a pretty relatable way.

The love that the mother and father show for Bambi would be Storge. Especially in the scene from the meadow where Bambi’s mother warns him about the dangers of the unprotected meadow and the father rushes them towards the woods to protect them when the hunter comes.

So then there’s Philia, kindly referred to as ‘friendship love’. Now this kind of love you’ve probably experienced since you’re very first friendship when you were a little kid. Often this type of love is based on a common interest or activity. This love delights in just being in the presence of each other, a warm feeling that comes and goes with intensity; which is why our friends when we were five are not always the same people we’d count as friends when we’re 20.

The love that Bambi shares for Thumper and Flower is Philia. They come together as young animals of the forest and when spring comes they resolve to stand firm in their wants not to be “twitterpated”, or ‘in love’ like the other animals. When Thumper and Flower both find loves of their own this Philia is weakened because the friends no longer have that common goal.

Now Eros is a romantic love. This is the “in love” type of love, not to be mistaken for lust. Eros is a longing for an emotional connection with another soul. It’s also the only kind of love that God says is to be in strictly a male and female relationship.

Because of the fading Philia or ‘friendship love’ with Thumper and Flower, Bambi ‘happens’ to run into Faline and the Bambi that was so disgusted by the idea of being “twitterpated” quickly changes his mind about Eros when he falls ‘in love’ with Faline towards the end of the movie.

Now the last love... and the greatest of all of the loves... the virtuous love... is Agape. Agape love is one of the three theological virtues and the one that Christ tells us is the greatest. Another name for it is Charity.

Agape is God’s kind of love.

It is unconditional, it seeks the welfare and betterment of others regardless of how the giver feels and it brings forth caring regardless of circumstances. 

Like Green Eggs and Ham! Agape loves in the dark, in a park, in the rain, on a train, in a box, with a fox, in a house, and with a mouse!

It is a love that is freely given by the Lover and it expects nothing in return. It’s the kind of love that lets us trust completely in God because we know that His will is what is best for us even when we can’t see it ourselves.

...So now is the point in this talk where I’m supposed to give you this one perfect example of a time where I remember experiencing God’s Agape Love. And while I was writing this, I racked my brain to try and find it, but it wasn’t there! 

The reason I couldn’t think of one specific example of Agape Love, is because the perfect example of Agape Love is your life. It’s not a friend having your back when you’re in trouble, or your family there to help raise you, or sharing an emotional moment in a relationship. Agape love isn’t a once every now and again type of love, Agape Love is always there, never fading; Agape love is the gift, from the Lord, of your life.

Agape Love helps us see the silver linings in even the most difficult circumstances in our lives because Agape is also what I talked about earlier, a sacrificial love. Christ showed us the greatest expression of love when he became man to carry the weight of our sins and be the ultimate sacrifice, but he never actually said the words “I love you”. But we can see Christ’s love through his actions because for the most part, love is non-verbal.

So what do we do to show others that we love them as Christ commands us to? We may invite them over to spend an afternoon together and chat, or take a road trip with them, hug them when we see them and hold their hands, we might tell them that their talented and beautiful, help with the dishes and take out the trash when they’re overwhelmed, or make sure we have a gift waiting for them every birthday and holiday, or just because it’s Tuesday and they deserve it.

The ways in which we choose to show our love to others is referred to as our Love Language, it’s also how we like to receive love. There are five different Love Languages and much to Paul’s disapproval Food is not one of them.  

They are: 
Quality Time 
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Gifts

Now you may be asking what Love Languages have to do with God, and in my opinion it’s a lot. God calls us to love our neighbors, but how are we supposed to do this effectively if we don’t know how they receive love? We’re all individual and unique and the same goes for the way that we love. We all give and receive all 5 love languages, but some much stronger than others. Take me for example, I feel two love languages very strongly; quality time and physical touch. But I don’t perceive Gifts as an act of love at all.

Before we came on this retreat I asked the other resources to take the love language test so that I could use one of them as an example for how we are so different in our love languages. Unfortunately it kind of backfired on me, because believe it or not, every. single. resource. on retreat this weekend has a top love language of Quality Time.

Which I think speaks so beautifully to this weekend and to our community. We have this weekend to spend time together and grow in love for each other. 

It’s our job as children of God to use our knowledge and extend our love to others in what we say, what we do and how we act. It’s like the old saying “Actions speak louder than words.” He’s calling us to live a life of love and it’s our job to respond to that invitation with love.

So don’t just be a dictionary definition of love, don’t just have relationships but in all you do, your whole life:

experience the eternal exchange of love that is God.

Praying for AJ

Earlier today I got the news that the health of a great guy/friend/classmate from the St.Lawrence Center has taken a turn for the worse. AJ has been suffering from health conditions for the past year has just been diagnosed with a rare blood disease that the doctors say appears to be untreatable. It is estimated that he will only have a few precious days to live.

The St.Lawrence Center community has coordinated a prayer chain at 5pm everyday for AJ. We will be praying both a chaplet of divine mercy and a rosary. At this point, our prayers are most valuable so if you have a moment to offer up a prayer for him we would all be so thankful.

I am awfully proud to be a part of St.Lawrence and I have definitely let it be known on this blog. But I have never been filled with such joy to be a part of this group as I was today when reading the reactions pour in with prayers and intentions for him.

I'd like to share some of them here with you now.

• I had no idea. I'm in Costa Rica but am headed to the neighborhood church right now. Please please PLEASE let me know if there's anything else I can do…praying for aJ and his family and friends.
• Im in new orleans for the next week. im so sorry to hear this news but i will definitely keep the prayer chain going.
• I am in Texas but will try and get up there by Wednesday and will be more than willing to take people over there (to visit him)
• Be assured of my prayers on my drive back to Lawrence tomorrow as well as the rest of the week.
• This is obviously a very difficult time for everyone, but already it has been a truly beautiful witness of the power of Christian community. From one day of being present at the hospital, I can attest that AJ, his family, and his loved ones have received many blessings in the form of our presence and prayers, and I have great faith many more blessings will shine through this time of uncertainty as we unite for this more than worthy cause. Thank you all for your prayers and support, and continue to entrust AJ's well-being to the will of God. We can take consolation in knowing that he his much closer to heaven than we and that we may soon have a powerful saint to intercede on our behalf as we make our own way to our eternal destiny...
• St. Lawrence has truly shown through today! I've been able to see AJ as well today and in the midst of some of the greatest trials and sufferings I've ever experienced, there has been much fruit! Keep praying! See you in the Eucharist or on the battlefield (the kind that we fight on our knees) with AJ until he makes it home!
• Sending prayers!
• It is beautiful to see the unity and love of the St. Lawrence Center and friends coming together. Please know there are lots of prayers for AJ coming from Texas. The Aggie Catholic Center will also be lifting up the St. Lawrence community in prayer as well.
• My prayers are with you all! I'm afraid I probably won't be able to make it up, but please pass my blessings and prayers on to AJ and his family. I cannot imagine how difficult this must be for everyone.
• Definitely keeping AJ's Family in my prayer!!! Our Lady of Guadalupe, Pray for us!
• AJ and all of the family: you are in my deepest prayers. We all love you so much.
• storming the gates of heaven for AJ!!!..
• stay strong! my prayers are with you!

The St.Lawrence Center is doing great things and it is evident in the community that it has established. Check out this article from the NCR about the St.Lawrence Center and the community that it is providing for us.

Koinonia is greek for community and that's exactly what we are; a community, a family. And that's exactly what AJ is a part of, our community of love for each other and for Christ Jesus.

Our Lady of Lourdes, patron of bodily illness, Pray for us!

Be Not Afraid

As many of you may have already known this past Sunday was the World Day of Prayer for Vocations. Because with Him there are no coincidences, with the help of the Holy Spirit I had a pretty good conversation with God concerning my vocation after mass.

It was these words from Fr. Mitchel’s homily that got me praying:

It is often said that the moment after receiving the Eucharist is the best moment for discerning one's vocation. For it is at this moment that we are most inclined to hear Jesus' voice not with fear - not as do this because I told you so, or do that, or else - but with trust. We fear Jesus' voice when our pride tells us that Jesus cannot know us as well as we know ourselves, when our selfishness tells us that it would be foolish to turn any decisions over to him. We trust Jesus' voice when we realize he only desires to free us to be what we have always wanted to be, and to live a life of love that is measured by the beauty of his glorious cross. May Jesus then, fully present in the Eucharist, be the gate by which we come and go through life, and arrive at the true discernment of the vocation he has given to us, and to no one else.

I've probably reread that paragraph 24 times in the past 24 hours. It's beautiful. But there was a part that I heard during the homily that resonated with me:  

“ not with fear…”. 

Vocational discernment is a big deal at St.Lawrence and sometimes it seems like everyone under the sun is very actively discerning and getting answers. In fact four of my guy friends will be off to the seminary in the fall and some of my girl friends are confident knowing they are called to marriage. I on the other hand have no idea, no inclination, no compass teetering to one side or the other.

Let's face the facts; sometimes vocational discernment is intimidating. 

I'm a big fan of the dictionary references to drive a point home so here goes this one:


in-tim-i-date

[in-tim-i-deyt]
–verb (used with object)
1. to make timid; fill with fear.
2. to overawe or cow, as through the force of personality or by superior display of wealth, talent, etc.
3. to force into or deter from some action by inducing fear 

I'm scared of my discernment. But I'm not scared in the way some people are scared. I'm not terrified of the possibility of the Lord calling me to consecrate my life to Christ and be a religious . I'm not terrified that He may be calling me to the devoted single life. I'm not terrified that God could be calling me to a holy marriage. No that is not it at all. I am terrified of time.

I like to say that I want to know what my vocation is. Oh how simple it would be if He would just spit it out already, let's move on with the show. I pray for Him to reveal to me exactly what it is that He’d like for me. A swift kick in the right direction ought to do me some good. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I’m lying; to myself and to God.

I'm not ready to know my vocation right now! If I know what my vocation is then I’ll be obligated to live it out. I just got to college two years ago! What if my vocation calls me away? I'm proud beyond proud of my friends going to the seminary next year. The day I found out about one of them I was literally beaming. My boss even asked me if there was something different about me that day and then mentioned that it was because she hadn't seen me stop smiling since I walked in the door. But part of me is glad it's them and not me. Because they're leaving, moving on because God has asked them too. They're answering the call. Even if this becoming a priest isn't what God will end up calling them to in the end they're not too intimidated to answer.

If God reaches out to me in prayer tomorrow and tells me ever so obviously that I’m called to be a religious sister than I will have to take the first step in that journey. If he calls out to me and tells me that marriage is the way to go than I'll have to force myself to the vulnerability of being in a relationship. And these are what I fear. The future is a scary scary thing. Hearing the call for me, is a scary thing. Because if God calls than I'll have to pick up.

And what if I don't hear Him right? What if I make the wrong decision and choose the wrong vocation? What if I don't pick up in time and the opportunity passes? What if? What if?

While I was mulling over all of these things after receiving Christ's body in the Eucharist I heard the song Be Not Afraid in my head. Hearing God speak is an amazing feeling, one that I never truly had before St.Lawrence because I'd never taken the time to listen.

As I knelt in the pew after Mass I knew what I was supposed to do. I picked up the book of hymns, turned the page to Be Not Afraid and read the lyrics and Christ comforted me.

Are we certain that this songwriter didn't have vocational discernment in mind when he wrote this?

You shall cross the barren desert, but you shall not die of thirst.
You shall wander far in safety though you do not know the way.
You shall speak your words in foreign lands and all will understand.
You shall see the face of God and live.

Be not afraid.
I go before you always.
Come follow me, and
I will give you rest.

If you pass through raging waters in the sea, you shall not drown.
If you walk amid the burning flames, you shall not be harmed.
If you stand before the pow'r of hell and death is at your side,
Know that I am with you through it all.

And I thought about how even now when it seems like my discernment process is barren and unproductive there is a plan already set in motion and I will not die waiting for it. That I can find comfort following in the safety of God's will even though I don't know where He's leading me. That no matter where He sends me and which vocational direction He pushes me towards there is a difference that only I can make in it. That no matter what, as long as I am following God's will, I will see Him in that life.

It's like that sentence was meant for me that day. Be not afraid. Listen to Jesus "not with fear..." but with trust. He won't lead me down a path that He hasn't first been down Himself. I can find comfort and rest knowing that I can trust Him with my life, with my future.

And when times in my vocation are tougher than I ever imagined they could be and things don't seem like they're gonna hold together I'll get out alive. When there are people around me trying to persuade my choice in vocation out of their own selfishness listening to Christ will keep me on the right path.

He is there, through the whole process. When it feels like God will never reveal your vocation to you He is there, working on you. 

Be not afraid.

The Sun Will Come Out _______

Ahh the sun came out yesterday! Wooohooo! 

Considering it's the end of April and March was supposed to leave like a lamb, it has been outlandishly dreary as of late. Both of my teachers let us out of class early, just enough time for me to bask in the sunny glory for 45 minutes before heading inside to work for 3 hours. I found a hill on campus with a couple friends from St.Lawrence, laid back, closed my eyes and absorbed as much sun as I could. It was fabulous. My only job during that time was to soak up as much sun as possible and to thank it so much for being out! I felt instantly happier just being in the sun's presence.

I carried the warmth I received from the sun into work for me that day. I even received a "it looks like you got some sun" comment, that was nice.

Then I thought about when I had gone to Eucharistic Adoration the night before.  Much like I can just be in the sun and praise it for being out, in Adoration I can just be with Christ the Son and adore Him for He is the Lord and Savior of all. I can sit in Christ's presence and close my eyes because the Son is so bright and while I think of Christ my soul is warmed from the inside. My job for that hour is to soak up as much of the Son as I can and to thank Him for letting me spend time with Him. And I feel instantly happier when I am in the Son's presence. 

I can carry the warmth that I received from the Son into the rest of my day. And if I can live out my vocational call to holiness than I just might receive a "it looks like you got some Son" comment, and that would be nice.

AfterDark

On a Wednesday night about a month a group of friends from St.Lawrence and I went to an event that KU had called AfterDark, that was sponsored by the different Christian groups and churches affiliated with campus.  

It was nice to be out and involved with other Christian denominations from campus remembering everything that our religions hold in common. But as AfterDark went on and and different events popped up throughout the night I realized just how lucky I am to be Catholic. 

At one point in the night after a giant cross had been built we were invited to write down on a note card our sins that we'd like to leave behind and throw it on the stage so that it could be nailed to the cross. By nailing those sins to the cross we were 'forgiven' and Christ's blood washed them away. 

And I couldn't help but think, that 3 hours before when I had gone to the sacrament of reconciliation, my sins had been truly forgiven and taken away. I was overjoyed, as my soul felt truly new as I had left those sins in the confessional.

My Scariest Life Change Ever and I'm Making it Right Now

It was 3pm on Saturday. I went to studio to get some work done, was there for approximately 30 minutes with four other girls there and I left. I couldn't do it anymore. It was awful. I hated it. I'd had enough.

I pick up my phone as I'm walking down flights of stairs to get out of the building. As soon as I hit fresh air I call home to talk to my parents. No one answers but I try again, I really need to get this off my chest. My mom picks up and she says she was on the phone with my grandma and was doing dishes. I asked her if she had time to talk and of course she says yes. Okay I say, I have something to tell you. I want to change my major. There. I've said it. It's out in the universe. Now finally someone else knows. And then the tears come, the sobbing, can't catch my breath tears.

I'm scared, I keep saying over and over again, this is scary.  I'd been wrestling with the idea of switching for months but I couldn't bring myself to do it. This is the end of my sophomore year. I've spent two years worth of money and time in this major and now I'm throwing it all away. What am I gonna do? All I know is I can't don't wanna do this any more.
  
Then of course there were other things going through my head. I was scared because I pay for college, and that's at least one more year that I'm going to have to find a way to pay for, one more year of living costs, one more year of not being in the working world. One more year of debt that I will be in. Does changing majors make me a failure? Because that's certainly what it felt like. Like I chose the wrong major to begin with so I lost, I failed. Will it look like I'm giving up? What will the girls in the interior design program say when they see that I'm not in their classes next year? Cassi wasn't good enough? Cassi didn't work hard enough? Cassi didn't want it enough? Cassi dropped out because she couldn't take it? Cassi failed? Just the thought of anyone saying that was enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.

When I first started not enjoying my classes I'd tell myself that I could go through four years of hell to have the rest of my future in a career that I loved. And that worked, for a while. Then I realized that I didn't like my classes. I didn't like the way my teachers didn't really teach. I didn't like my projects. I wasn't particularly fond of some cliques that had formed in my very small class. I don't feel particulary accepted by certain classmates and was an outsider in the interior design 'family'. I no longer loved the idea of being an interior designer for the rest of my life. I didn't like the idea of not being great at what I was doing. I looked at my educational life and working future and didn't see one thing that I liked. And that's when I knew. 

Recently we had a St.Lawrence Speed Dating event. Yeah just saying it seems funny. We listened to Fr.Steve give a talk (that will have to be it's own post), and then had about 8 dates, 3 minutes each. At the end of the evening we had a list of the guys that were there and could circle whomever we wished and if they circled us than we'd be 'matched'. Goodness it's so much less creepy than I'm making it sound (now I'll have to do another post on it just to explain better). So I started going through the speed dates in my head and remembering what the guys I talked to were like. I liked the 'idea' of some of they guys, they were really nice and fun to talk to but sometimes you just know that you aren't compatible. You know that if you were to go on the date that you'd be lying to the both of you so you pass on it because the 'idea' of the guy is better than the reality of what you and that date would be like.

I think it's the same with me being an interior design major. I loved the 'idea' of being an interior design major. In my head it was the perfect way to mix the best of two worlds, art and business. I'd be able to go through college saying I'm an interior design major. The idea of working at an architecture firm and doing huge projects was a great one. But I think I liked the 'idea' of being an interior designer more than I would actually like to be an interior designer. It just took me a while to figure that out.

I used to genuinely want to be an interior designer. I sure as heck wasn't expecting to ever begin to not want to be an interior designer. But then again I used to genuinely enjoy eating sandwiches of pickles and ketchup between two slices of cheese when i was little. I no longer enjoy eating those. Things change. It's a fact of life. 

I don't often say this but I think Marilyn Monroe said it pretty well:

"...sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Now that I've told my mom and a couple friends what's going on my heart feels so much lighter. I'm amazed at how heavily this whole thing had been weighing on my heart. So I cried for 30 minutes and then I couldn't stop smiling. So this is what it feels like to surrender to God's will. I'd been praying about it a lot lately and just hoping that God would give me the strength to make this life changing decision.

I've talked about this before but God has a very unique-to-Cassi way of communicating with me. God starts by planting this little tiny thought inside my head. I tend to overthink things, it's who I am. I don't make split-second decisions and I like to weigh the pros and cons and worry worry worry. Then after I've done the worrying and weighing for weeks/months and shaking the idea of that little thought in my head, God comes up to me and slaps me in the face and I'm like whoa! And then I pull the trigger. Deep inside I know what to do but sometimes my trust isn't where it should be and I get scared until I hear Him say 'I'm right here and I've been telling you over and over again what to do. Why aren't you listening to Me?'

So this is me, listening. No I'm not going to enjoy the interior design students talking about me behind my back and no I'm not going to enjoy having to pay more money and be in school for more years. But God will provide and I will be humbled knowing that others won't think as highly of me anymore:

But he bestows a greater grace; therefore, it says: "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." - James 4:6

Before his downfall a man's heart is haughty, but humility goes before honors. - Proverbs 18:12

If you're out there and you're reading this I'd like to ask a favor. Would you please pray that everything will work out for the better? That this will help me to grow in humililty. That I will be more open to listening to and following God's will for me and that this change in majors will be for the better? Know that in return I will be praying for you.

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The Greatest Voice God Uses May Be Your Own

I promised her a shout out, but I'm almost certain she wasn't expecting an entire post about her: Hi Lillie!


I saw my friend Lillie the other day! Yeah, that story isn't so great. 


Lillie was my neighbor in our all girls dorm my freshman year. We both hated that dorm and neither of us were particularly fond of our roommates although hers was light years better than mine was. (What is it with me and roommates?) Lillie was the best neighbor I've ever had. There was no point in locking our doors when we were home because every 5-10 minutes or so one of us would be visiting the other. Lillie was supportive of my being involved in St.Lawrence and although she wasn't Catholic or particularly religious she never once thought less of me because of it. Now I don't know this for sure but I'd like to think that she respected me more for it. I'd go to daily mass occasionally and leave her for hours and hours on end Sunday evenings to go to Mass, Sunday supper and classes. 


So back to my story...I saw Lillie the other day at a KU baseball game on Friday night. I was there with a big group of friends from St.Lawrence and I thought I saw her on the other side of the bleachers. I creeped on her for awhile until I realized I was being creeped on right back. That pretty well describes our relationship. 


I don't get to see Lillie a lot anymore, we're both busy doing our own things, which is great. But thank GOD for social networking. Lillie and I have the ability to 'creep' on each other all the time thanks to Facebook and Twitter.


God uses all of us in unique ways in every different facet of life. If we're lucky enough, He let's us see how He's using us. 


Lillie made her way over to chat after the baseball game and we caught up a little and then she mentioned that she'd been reading my blog, this very one you're reading right now. I guess I don't truly know how serious she meant this when she said it but the words are still ringing in my ears. She re-mentioned that she's not Catholic or very religious and then added:

 'but it makes me believe in Jesus'

And then it hits you like a ton of bricks. This blog isn't mine, it's His. It's His way of using me.